Attention citizens!
The Miracle Shots (TM) saved 20 million billion zillion people. Trust our models.
Attention citizens! Your Dept. Of Pandemia is back, with good news.
We know some of you are wondering if the Miracle Shots (TM) work, what with all the infections and deaths in Miracle Shot (TM) recipients and the fact that the countries that have the fewest Miracle Shots (TM) also have the fewest deaths from The Thing (TM, Wuhan, 2018).
Well now we have the answer. The Miracle Shots (TM) work! Yes indeedy.
How do we know?
We commissioned a study to prove they worked, and after several revisions, our sciencyists proved they worked. Even we were surprised how well, we would have been happy if the Miracle Shots (TM) had saved only five million billion lives, but it turns out they saved way more. Yay Miracle Shots (TM).
This was a “mathematical modeling study,” so you can believe it.
Attention citizens!
My money is on the fact that not a single person was 'saved' by the miracle shots, rather millions were harmed that would have otherwise gotten through the infection just fine. This was a con job to use the world population as unknowing participants in the largest phase 3 (phases 1 and 2 for boosters and children) clinical trial ever conducted. Pharma has been itching to produce mRNA based products but those pesky animal models kept suggesting it wasn't a good idea to put it into humans. Worse is the fact that they got to run their trials LIABILITY FREE and sponsored by world governments who did all of the marketing for them.
More absolute nonsense. The troubling part is how many college educated people out there never read past the headline. Blame it on our national declining attention span. Critical thinking has gone the way of the cassette player and the flip phone.