PANDEMIA: The (mucosal) Musical

Yes, I have about a hundred other things to do, but I can't help myself

This morning, The New York Times announced a “Late-Summer Covid Wave Brings Warning of More To Come.”

Yes, that was THIS MORNING’S headline.

The Covidians are like five-year-olds hanging on to their favorite stuffy. They know they’re too old for Sarsie the unicorn, she’s beaten up and filthy and the thread is hanging out and their friends are making fun of them for her. But they just can’t give her up, not with school coming.

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(You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll pay 20 cents a day!)

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The Times article led Your Dept. Of Pandemia to make this announcement on Twitter:

Oh, how I missed Your Dept. Of Pandemia.

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And now I can’t stop thinking about PANDEMIA: The Musical. Better than Cats! Better than E.T.!

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OVERTURE:

I Dropped the Flask! (Bat Lady)

ACT 1

(Mannequins) Dyin’ in The Streets (Twitter Chorus)

The Wu Flu Shuffle (Donald Trump)

Exponenshul (The Erics - Ding and Topol)

What Flask (Bat Lady)

China White-wash (Bill de Blasio and Gavin Newsom)

Report Number Nine (Neil Ferguson and the Imperial College Ladies)

Two Weeks (Trump, Andrew Cuomo, and the Governors)

It’s Not The Flu, Bro/Bro, It’s Not The Flu (Cast and Crew)

All Gonna Die (The Erics and Twitter Chorus)

Stay Home, Stay Safe (Cast and Crew)

School’s Out, Forever (Randi Weingarten)

Test ‘n Trace (Cuomo and the Governors)

Backdoor Man (Neil Ferguson)

I Am The Science (Tony Fauci and Ferguson)

He IS The Science (Rachel Maddow and Twitter Chorus)

I Am The Science (Solo reprise) (Fauci)

I Spiked A Fever, Almost (Twitter Chorus)

Two Weeks (reprise) (Cuomo and the Governors)

Etc…

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Anyway, I gotta get back to Berenson v Biden, but you get the idea.

Obviously, Act 1 ends joyously with:

95 Percent (Albert Bourla and Stephane Bancel, joined by Cast and Crew)

And Act 2 opens with:

No Refunds (Bourla and Bancel).

Interestingly, No Refunds is also the show’s final song.

The second time, though, it’s in a minor key.