Attention citizens! Your Dept. Of Pandemia wishes to note a major scientific milestone!

Yes, today is officially Failure Day! The Miracle Shots (TM) have now been failing longer than they worked! We wish to congratulate our partners for shortening the typical 10-year Miracle Shot (TM) development schedule to 10 months! Without such haste Failure Day would not have been possible! We urge you to raise a shot of Lovenox and toast your slowly clotting blood.

Attention citizens!