Pfizer is your friend

StatNews says so!

Barf bags for the reader, knee pads for the author: some very special journalism happening here. This would be a perfect Twitter hit, but I ain’t got Twitter no more, so…

Know what surprised these hard-working Pfizer scientists the most? Not how quickly efficacy fell or how fast antibodies vanished or how many people reported serious side effects!

No, what surprised them the most was how well their vaccine worked!

True story, bro. Can’t make it up.

By the way, the Yahoo/Week article is excerpted (not plagiarized, excepted!) from an even more cringeworthy piece in StatNews.

Worried about the variants? Don’t be! Things are going great. Pfizer promises. And you can trust Pfizer!

Say hi to Twitter for me, Team!